Remember watching Mary and Max? I loved that day. Spending time with you doing absolutely anything was always my favorite way to spend time. I think my favorite times were those quiet times when we were just wrapped up in one another watching a show or movie, and I could feel your breath in my ear and your heart next to mine. Those are moments that I will never forget. I don't know if I convey to you just how much I miss you. Every second when I am not with you is a painful one for me.
Well, I am confuzzled today . . .you answered my email again without saying anything about what you have been doing or answering any questions that I asked. I haven't pressed because I don't want to appear needy or to make you feel stressed by my asking, but I do worry about you, and always will. You also said you "guessed" my move would be a good thing after saying yesterday how you would be sad that I wasn't around. Hence my confuzzlement. I guess I just thought if you were done with me that my moving couldn't hurt you at all. I wouldn't have mentioned it if I had thought it would cause you any pain.
You also said that I sound happy. Well . . .truth be told I am not happy, not completely nor will I ever be again. I am surviving. That's what can be said and I have to find joy where I can because if I don't, I won't want to live. I would only be fully happy if you and I were going to be making that move together, that's more truth, but I am trying to be your friend because I thought you didn't want me anymore.
I'll just have to live with my confuzzlement, I guess.
I went to both therapies today. Looks like I will finally be done with the physical therapy soon. I can't tell you how much better that alone has made me feel and how it has helped improve my mood. I didn't realize it, but clearly this had been impacting me for years and causing some of my mental distress and the change in personality. Wish I had acted on it sooner.
I miss you dear sweet, Alexa, the woman who makes my heart race, the stars seem to shine brighter than they really are and who put music in my step and color in my ears. You will always be my muse, my angel, my princess, my one true love. I absolutely and truly hope that you are doing well.
Be kind to yourself,
MNP