It's difficult to get up and remain hopeful, to be excited about the day, when I have heard nothing from you in so long now, that I haven't seen that smile that melts my heart in so long. I rode up to my interview this evening, and on the way back, I hoped to see you driving home. I had no such luck. I find myself looking at my phone, hoping to see a green blinking light. Anytime there is one, I hope it will be a text from you. It never is. It would have been wonderful to have had your support and good wishes for this interview. It wasn't a major interview, just for a part-time tutoring job, but still, your constant support in the past was always a boon to me. Now it's gone, so it's hard to stay hopeful that anything good will come about from my life from here on.
I find myself in a rather angry phase. I know people mean well, but I swear to you that I never want to hear something along these lines again: you'll find someone better, the right one is out there. I know such clichéd lines are ones that everyone thinks of to say to a friend going through hell, but they really aren't helpful in my case. In my case, I don't want anyone else and never will. There is only one face that lights up my heart and makes me work toward being a better person, what I am now trying to do in earnest. I guess if you never come back to me that will be the cruel irony of my life. I will be changed for the better, but without the person who I changed for. I say again, I won't no one else and never will. Some things we know with our hearts, some truths cannot be hidden from us. For me, this is one of them. Maybe you are getting that advice though and loving it. Maybe you are excited to find that better person. That thought haunts me.
I had a strange dream last night. You were in it, but neither of us looked like we do in real life. Still, I would trade places with my dream self because we were very much reunited and in love in that dream. We were at an amusement park riding cheesy rides. What a wonderful dream world it was.
Adieu mon ange, je t'aime,
MNP
PS: Veux-tu m'épouser?