Here I sit, writing to you again. More time has passed and yes, I am not feeling the tearing pain quite so much. Some would say that proves that anything can be overcome, that there is no true love and that you and I were never meant to be. I don't buy that for a second though. It is a choice, the same as your choice to take the easy path in something yet again and end us. Yes, I have opted to go on and live and make myself a success in every way possible. What have you done since you ended up?
I think I am on the right path, too, as on a cold night this weekend, a ladybug landed on my hand. It had no business even being alive with the cold temperatures we were having. Ladybugs have long been seen as a symbol of luck and protection. I need some of both in my life at the moment, but I know I will need to keep on my path, keep making something of myself, making myself better in every way.
Part of that is my writing. I am taking it much more seriously now. I confess that for years now I haven't. Mostly I didn't from fear, stilly stupid fear that others wouldn't like what I wrote, but you leaving me has made me not care. I really don't give a damn what anyone thinks anymore. You were the last person whose opinion I gave a damn about. So I have been forging ahead, writing everyday and submitting my work and writing articles now for the paper. I really am enjoying writing those articles, even if you won't share them. I will finally finish my second novel next year. I will stick to that and make it happen because that's how people accomplish things, not by giving up and giving in and complaining, but by putting in the hard work.
Your first novel most agree is worthless, and I have to say mine was. In some ways, I believe I am getting serious now because this is when I have lived enough, laughed enough, and thanks to you now, hurt enough, to get a full spectrum of human emotion. So while it sucks on some levels, it is great for crafting better work.
I am also more serious about marketing myself. Without putting yourself out there and doing some of that everyday, you can't expect to get ahead in life, either.
I finally finished Drood. What a great read it turned out to be! I really enjoyed it, and loved that one of my favorite author's Dickens was featured in it. I am now reading another historical fiction novel, Mrs. Poe. Edgar Allen Poe is another of my favorite authors. I am also reading a book on stocks still. I go slower with it because I take notes and really try to absorb the material. I would like to get better at doing the stock market. I've had some good luck, but could always do better with some sound knowledge. I also received The Motivation Manifesto as a sample. I am about 1/3 of the way through and when I am done, I am sending this book to you. You may never read it or even open it, but if you don't, you will be missing out. The material is simple. It's basic. It's stuff we all probably know, but still hearing in your mind, seeing it written out in black and white and absorbing the impact of it, is empowering. It's helping me to stick to my goals, too. I think you who runs away when anything gets difficult, would greatly benefit from the lessons contained therein in all facets of your life.
Well, I don't count Kia's anymore and I am almost over completely even noticing them. I still do see some and think, oh another, but that happens less and less now. Unfortunately, the signs of you still come to me. I can't will those away. I can ignore them and not write them down, yes, but they still come. Why do you think that is? Nothing comes or ever did from any of my other exes.
Could I throw my heart into Krubera Cave (deepest known cave on Earth, for your random fact of the day http://thechive.com/2014/07/11/a-journey-into-the-deepest-cave-in-the-world-20-photos/) it would not be enough to kill the love that I know and still feel for you. Will you marry me?
Motivated,
MNP