Did you know that there is only one word in English that can have all 4 of
the last letters removed yet still be pronounced the same? What is it??? This
one really appeals to my love of language, but I am going to keep you holding on
for the answer until the end.
I saw you today. After a long weekend spent mostly away from home, I was
headed off to grab a bite to eat and there you were driving home. You didn't
wave and neither did it. That's the new normal though and no text to say I saw
you or you saw me. What a sad reality.
Other than that my weekend was a good one. I even had stretches where the
paralyzing thought of being without you didn't enter into my mind. I rode for
the first time in many months on a wonderful off-track thoroughbred and had such
a fantastic time for part of my weekend. I have no fear anymore for nearly
everything in life. I have found that since I lost Blue and you that there is
nothing to fear should I die. Yes, there will be some who will be sad, but they
do not depend on me in some way, so I don't have to be afraid of dying. It does
make things easier to do in most cases, even though I would prefer neither to be
the case.
I was also back at the Calvert Marine Museum for the first time since you
left me. It was hard at times being there and thinking of you and I. Do you
remember going there in 2010? We had such a fantastic weekend and that was the
first time I had ever been to that museum. We marveled at the lighthouse,
laughed at the otters and loved touching all of the interesting animals. Those
were good times, memories that without you I would just as soon be able to wipe
away from my mind, for now they only bring pain. I wonder what you did on your
weekend, but I try not to think much at all on that line because it only causes
me pain.
I guess you are back to not talking to me either via text, social media or
other sources. I suppose in your mind you think that's safer for you and less
painful for me. That's your choice, and of course, I respect it, even if I don't
agree with it.
I've been making lots of progress with my writing, and I will start seeking
publication for some of it. As I have said previously, I will take this deep
sorrow and turn it into something that resonates with humanity, something to
make sure that us never is forgotten even to those who never will know us.
Immortality.
I counted 25 Kia's on Friday, 44 on Saturday, 104 on Sunday and 86 today -
number 17 looked just like yours and number 76 was yours. I saw a horse run at
Charles Town that had Alexandra in the name and the SPAM with your name
referenced one way or another came, too.
I ate at Taco Bell for one of my weekend meals. Hadn't had anything to eat
all day and needed something fast. I don't normally eat at fast food restaurants
anymore, but when I got a hot sauce pack, what did it say on it: Will you marry
me? My constant nightly question to you. Do you ever hear it? Do you scoff at
it? Laugh at it? Shake your head in embarrassment?
I can't stop loving you,
MNP
PS: The word is: queue