So here I am, as one week falls away and a new week is set to begin, and I still have not heard from you or seen you in so long now. It can be so very hard to keep the depression at bay. Some days I do better than others. Today was not one of those days. I'm really not trying to hurt anyone around me, but sometimes that happens. Without you, I will never be the same person that I was when you were with me. I may get to be closer to that old self, but there are always going to be those moments that overtake me. It has nothing to do with those that around me, but it just is, and it's part of me, who I am now.
I went to see August: Osage County today. Excellent move. I highly recommend anyone seeing it. It's got an outstanding cast, who all really work well together. It shows just how dysfunctional families can be and leaves you with so very much to think about after the final scene showing Julia Roberts driving off. I drove that same highway she is driving down when I got the heck out of my Dodge - Portales, NM. That was many years ago, many years before I met you, when I was running from my mistakes in a U-Haul with all my possessions and no real hope for the future. I slept in a park on that road one cold night in December because there were no vacancies at the hotels, I was running low on gas, and no stations were open. I got a ticket for "driving off the roadway" along that road, when I went off for just a few seconds. I'm convinced that was a trap in town with the woman at the convenience store looking for any infractions and calling them in. That road, with all it's twists and turns and frustrations, was one that led me to you, so I wouldn't change any of it. I would only change what has transpired between you and I over the last year. I would make things better for us. But of course, wishes are like ashes floating on the wind - full of a spark, but dying in burning agony.
I saw 28 total Kia's today, not a bad total considering I didn't go out much. I do take two positive signs from the day. First, at the movie, there was a preview for the Australian Open. They had footage from a previous year and clearly one of the big sponsors was none other than Kia. The logo was huge and all over the place. Also before the movie, they spoke about music's impact on film. They opted to speak with someone involved in the music for one of the Twilight series movie (not my movies :)). Her name was your same first name and her last name began with a P, just like yours. Perhaps this all just coincidence that I find because I am only now paying attention, but I will take them as signs all the same.
Goodnight my love,
MNP
PS: One day, I will ask again if you will marry me, maybe you shall say no, but I will ask again.