I swear there is nothing in the world that can save my soul as a horse can. I spent most of the day at the barn, improving my equine massage techniques. At least on the surface that was my reason for being there, but I know at some deeper level I go there to be among the horses, those wonderful, innocent beings who have the power to save my soul. If I am to survive this breakup you have made so it will surely only be because of my connection to horses.
I thought back earlier today to an email you had sent me early on after the break-up and when we entered this friends phases, such as it is. You said something like - you sound happy. Make no mistake that true happiness is beyond me now with you having left, but I am making the most of what I have to be happy in my life. Otherwise there would be no point to continuing, and I certainly hope you have found things to keep happiness alive in your life.
I worked with Athena, Maggie and Tonka today. Tonka was your special horse at the barn. The one I was teaching you lessons on, so you can be happy knowing that she got some muscle relaxation, of which she was truly appreciative. She may have been more appreciative of the treats afterward and then being let out to have her fill of hay, but that's ok. I know in my heart that she got some relief, and that makes my heart sing in happiness.
I think equine massage is an excellent work for me. It brings me close to horses and it uses my favorite sense - touch. I think my happiest moments with horses are those when I am just touching them, grooming them, things like that. I do like riding and I loved doing tricks with Blue, but those close, quiet moments remain my favorite.
I counted 16 total Kia's today and had no real signs and haven't really in a while. Perhaps you and I truly will never be together again. I am resigned to that should it be our fate, but I will never stop holding out hope. Well, I must go now, as I am forging ahead with my life changes and am going out again for music and human interaction. We shall see how that goes. One day, once upon a time, will you marry me?
Still dreaming,
MNP