Oh, how I wish I was with you tonight, but that is not to be in the cards. I still long for a message of some sort from you, just as I fear that you are slowly, but surely replacing me with someone new. I guess that's the problem with all the silence. It let's a mind go absolutely wild.
You were in my dream last night, but unfortunately it was not a comforting dream. You had hit the big time. You had a television show, a popular blog and a just released book headed to bestseller status. You still weren't talking to me, so I bought your book and went to a signing event. I was genuinely happy for your success and excited to congratulate you. However, when I got through the long line, you didn't look at me and you didn't stop talking to your entourage. You just signed the book and shoved it under my nose. I woke up so hurt and depressed that the day certainly started on a bad note.
I tried to make the best of it. I counted Kia's on my few excursions and found 43 of them out and about. None of them was yours or seemed to have any signs. I was at a grocery store running some errands when that Stevie Wonder song came on . . .you know the one. It was the one you played on the day we first were intimate with one another. (dear readers, I won't share the title of the tune, there are some secrets I still will keep, but Alexa, she should know, it was her selection). I hope that it was a good sign, a sign that perhaps your heart is softening.
The pain in my neck has been unbearable this week. I can't wait to go to physical therapy on Monday. I need relief from it.
My heart is not quite in the intense hurt mode, but I have these moments, terrible dreadful moments when I am overcome at a panicked thought that you may never come back to me. I realize that I am lucky. Lucky to have met my one true love and have had her in my life for four wonderful years, but if I must leave the rest of my life without you there, then I hope it's a short life. I hear all the people telling me to not give up on love and that someone out there is waiting for me and that I need to take another chance on a relationship to grow. I don't need to grown anymore than to be a better person than you, and I'll be alone if I can't be with you. End of story.
Take care my Princess,
MNP
PS. Would you think long and hard that one day you might marry me?