Check this out: http://www.placestoseeinyourlifetime.com/glowing-blue-tide-at-night-in-vaadhoo-maldives-884/. Wouldn't you love to go there! Absolutely stunning pictures. It's definitely someplace I would have loved to have gone with you. That's the hard part of going anywhere now that you left me - I don't have the one person at my side that I most want to share those places with.
Well, it's an ultrasound for me tomorrow, so I can have no food in another hour or so. Not that it matters really for me though. I haven't yet completely lost my interest in food, which is the only thing that's keeping me going, but I have lost my enthusiasm for food. It's odd because I love food. I love to explore the taste, smell and texture of it, but haven't now for several months. It's hard to when eating makes you feel so miserable. The past two days have been particularly nasty. Every time I eat, it doesn't take too long for me to start feeling that nausea and the abdominal pain. Just moments ago, I was sure I was going to puke. I get little respite when sleeping because lying down brings on those symptoms, too. Next week, I go for an endoscopy as well. Am not looking forward to that one at all and am really not looking forward to paying for these tests, but I have to get to the bottom of the issue or soon I won't be eating at all.
I finished the investing book I was reading and have already used some of the knowledge I gained from it. I sold some underperforming stocks that I had held onto for too long, a common mistake, I learned of new investors, but one I won't make any longer. I also invested in two new stocks. One so far has been making me some money. The other I am watching closely. It won't have too much more time to stop the loss before I sell it and go back to the drawing board. I am learning, learning, learning always. Looking at graphs, reading information, researching companies that look promising. Knowledge is power.
Speaking of knowledge, I picked up two more books from the library on Saturday. One is Rich Dad, Poor Dad. I see that by having read the other stock book and by learning, I am on a good path according to the lessons in this book. I am about halfway through his book already. I credit him for making it an easy read. There are a few things I am questioning with it, but I will hold my questions until I have completed the reading. I think some of those lessons are very sound though about how the middle-class and poor only work for money while the rich make their money work for them. While I will always want to help others, I do think I am learning that I need to think a bit more like a capitalist to help myself. Then I can help others more.
The other book I picked up was The 13th Tale. They had the new Stephen King book, and I wanted to pick it up, but it was only a seven day check out, and I wasn't sure I could finish in that time, so I browsed and found Setterfield's book. I am so glad I wasn't able to get King's! I know I will read his at some point, but if I had checked it out, I wouldn't have lucked on Setterfield's book. I love it so far and am really connecting with it.
I rode yet another different horse on Saturday. This one was a paint mare. She tends to be herd bound and gets a bit panicked when away from her friends. She also has had some lameness issues. First I worked with her on the ground, just building up some trust, getting her to look to me for leadership and accept that she didn't have to be with her herdmates. I worked her on the lunge a bit after that to make sure she was moving well. There were no lameness issues, so then it was time for a ride. She really didn't relax at all at first, but unlike some of the others, she never bolted or shied, she just tended to want to go faster and keep her head up in the air. She was very light on the forehand. I worked on keeping her moving forward, but on slowing the pace with half-halts and got her mind off other issues by doing patterns like figure 8s. Eventually she did calm down to a degree, and I even had some moments where she went nicely on the bit. I really am starting to enjoy all of the challenges that different horses present again. Having only worked with my off-track TB who died almost two years ago now, I never had much of a chance to put skills from my lifetime with horses to the test. Afterwards, she got a nice massage.
I've seen you driving a few times, as you were heading home from work. I wonder how your work is going and what hobbies and interests you have devoted your free time to. I had a strange dream last night with you in it. At first, I saw you with a cowboy headed to a bar. I was with a friend of mine (not someone I know in real life). You caught sight of us, and I heard you say to the cowboy, "Brining your new lover and showing her off is just so tacky." You shot a dirty look at me and made a big production out of linking your hand in his, then you both disappeared into the bar. I turned to my companion and we spoke about the situation.
Then, the dream shifted. I was back at my high school for what appeared to be a kind of reunion, but we were also taking classes. I was eating lunch at the cafeteria with some of the people I went to high school with. We complained about the absolutely horrific lunch choices and laughed about old times and worried about the courses we were taking.
School ended and you were there to pick me up. That's right, we were now back together. You told me that my doctor had called and that the news was not good. I had Tay Sachs disorder and would likely be in a wheelchair by the end of the year. I was stunned to silence. You were crying, telling me we would get through that our love was strong and would see us through.
I don't know how you analyze a dream like that. I've puzzled over it a bit today, but the one thing that is a breakthrough for me is that I knew I was dreaming. I was fully aware while I was dreaming that it was a dream. I have been working for the past month on lucid dreaming in addition to my mediation practices. I wasn't able to direct or control the dream, but this is the first time since I started the work of lucid dreaming that I was able to know I was dreaming, an important first step.
Well, the day is drawing closed, and I've got to work on my novel a bit. If I have time and inspiration, I might also work on this one poem that I am close to completing, taking it from rough draft to finished form. It's been a bitch of a work, but it will be worth it, it already is in fact, because I feel alive when I am doing it. So long as I don't drop the ball and never complete it, I will be accomplished no matter what happens to the poem.
Sending you all the love and light that is in my heart,
MNP