I can't guarantee that this post will be error free. I took my Xanax pill, first one ever about two hours ago and wow, it packs a punch. I feel drunk, but not quite drunk, the tell-tale sign of a drug reaction. My doctor's office put me on one a day this week to help combat the anxiety I will surely feel when I have my MRI on Friday. My claustrophobia is made much worse when I have to stay still in an enclosed space, so the relaxant will hopefully get me through it. I wish you would be there. I could be brave with you by my side.
I just hope the MRI can give the doctors a good clue as to where to take this treatment plan to next. For the past ten years I have had the on/off horrors of dealing with neck and shoulder pain along with numbness. So far, nothing has touched it. I will also take Tramadol to help with the pain. Won't take the first of those until tomorrow. Hope I can function on it.
It has struck me today that the reason I am not so sad by you leaving me to face my world alone. I've been alone far more in my life than I have ever been with someone. No, my sadness stems from knowing that I will go without you by my side. I miss it so very much already. I am surviving. Proof that I never needed you to live. I only wanted you to make my life complete.
I wonder how your day went at work and if you have sought out any help for the issues that plague you and contributed to our downfall. Understand that I am not blaming you in that statement, for my own demons were unaddressed as well and contributed to the downfall. I am dealing with mine for you are far too special of a person to not put everything I can into a change that you can see and recognize and perhaps even love again.
I counted 34 total Kia's today and number 32 looked just like yours though it wasn't.
I am losing focus on these words and might start writing foolish and embarrassing thoughts, so it is best if I close now. I just wanted to say that I love you as much now as I did yesterday and all the days since we met. I wish you would marry me.
Missing you.
MNP