You had said when you were leaving me that you thought perhaps we could still be friends. At the time, I spurned that idea because the pain of seeing you as only a friend would prove too great, thought I. Time has given me some different perspective on that thought. I wrote you an email today asking if we could work on ironing out a friendship.
As I told you in my email, it doesn't change the way that I feel about you. I know in my heart that you are my one true love, but I am starting to accept that you don't feel the same way that I do. A relationship takes two people committed to each other and to making the relationship work. There's nothing I wouldn't do to make us work, but I accept you do not feel the same. As hard as that is, I have to accept it we are to try to be friends. I would like that because I know my life without you in it at all would be absolutely miserable. If I don't hear back from you, I guess you don't even want to be friends. In any case, the ball is in your court, but I will still always love you, so I write . . .
Dreams came back to me last night after a few nights of not being able to recall them. You weren't in the one I recall, but it had odd Voodoo and New Orleans Mardi Gras tones. The city that I grew up in and love so much must really be beckoning to me. Perhaps there I will find some healing for this heartbreak.
I went to the barn, but cannot ride until my neck/shoulder/arm heal some more. It was so very cold. I watched horses and talked to some. That always brings such an inner peace to me. Since the day didn't start too well for me, I went to the health food store and picked up some Happy Camper Pills. I am not kidding. They actually exist: http://www.naturalbalance.com/solutions/mood/happy-camper.html. Surprisingly enough this balanced out my mood nearly the entire day. I hope I continue to get these good results on days when needed.
I counted a total of 28 Kia's today. I've observed that Frederick County has far more Kia's than Washington County. I did get one sign that I, as always, take as a positive. While having dinner at El Paso, there was two couples who knew each other talking. The one woman talked about her daughter studying nursing. That daughter's name was Alexa.
Well, I am off to see what trouble I can get into. I wish you were beside me to take part, but I accept that you are not. I hope to be your friend, but if you say no, I will accept your wishes. I will give you whatever you decided except if you ever ask me to stop loving you. That is the one thing I cannot do. Here's to a day when you will love me again, too, and I will have the perfect moment to ask you to marry me.
With love and light,
MNP