There's no doubt that the past two years have been an absolute nightmare for me. With everything that I went through during those years, I slowly lost sight of being thankful for all that I do and did have and my normally optimistic self grew dark and pessimistic. While I can wring my hands over it happening, it won't help my current situation.
I have another thing to thank you for - I checked out one of the gratitude based programs you told me you were doing several months back. I didn't seriously consider doing them myself back then, even though I was happy for you if they made you happy. Now looking back, I wonder . . .were you trying to tell me in a subtle way that you felt I should do one of these not for the world or only me but also for us? Something tells me that this is the case, and once again I missed the subtle clue.
Well, here I am now, doing this one, adding to my transformation. The phoenix is my sign right now. I have been burned down to the ashes and am coming together in new ways. Thank you for that opportunity.
I realize that over the past two years I focused more on the negative aspects of you as well as everything else in my life. That blinded me to all of the wonderful gifts you brought into my life that I should have been truly thankful for. I am thankful for your silly sense of humor and how it could always make me laugh. Whether you were saying my name in a goofy way, saying "I see you" in an exaggerated voice or tying a straw paper around my wrist, these little things stole right to my heart. In doing those, I saw one of the things that made us kindred spirits. With each other, we didn't have to care about how goofy or silly we acted because we knew the other was just the same at the core. I miss having that safe zone with someone who knew how to have fun being silly. I am sorry I ignored that wonderful quality in you over the last two years and only focused on inconsequential things.
I only saw one Kia as I drove to my physical therapy appointment. I did see one on the evening news before I went. Not sure if I should count that one or not. What do you think?
Here's to the better me that you will hopefully come back to and marry.
I've never missed anyone more than you,
MNP