Have you ever heard of the Damon Baehrel restaurant in New York? It's quite possibly the most exclusive restaurant in the world - it's wait list is 10 years! I am not sure that any food would be worth that wait. The chef does sound like an interesting individual though. The kind of person I would love to sit down with and swap stories, pick his brain a little. I miss finding those interesting people that have come and gone from my life.
More and more of late, I find myself hating just about everything related to my life. I am trying, trying really hard to immerse myself in many different things, not to forget you, not to find someone new, but to distract myself from the pain that is so often a fixture of my heart. I used to think that Desperado was my song, and it still does resonate, but I did come down from my fences and it didn't result in a happily ever after. The realist in me is coming to be a louder voice, that you really will never come back to me. It's a cold and hard reality that I don't like. I think the stark and cold rendering of Hurt by Johnny Cash may actually define my life's rough edges much better - everyone I know goes away in the end and I am left all alone, the one thing I have always wanted least in life.
In the end, I am left with what I am doing with my life, my little distractions and hopefully some good that I can bring to others. If you ever decided that perhaps the good I brought into your life outweighed the bad, I would love to ask if you would marry me?
Lonely,
MNP